Don’t mind me, I’m just talking with the cat

This is just a look-a-like of my cat. He had enough wisdom to ask for payment before being photographed.

Currently we only have one family pet but I truly believe this one is a source of infinite wisdom. We have been through our fair share of pets, cats and dogs both and either they didn’t gel well with the family or they ran off. Somehow we ended up with this majestic animal and I believe he will be with us forever and here is why:

1. He doesn’t have a name, I mean, how fuckin cool is that? My cat is such a G that he doesn’t even have a name so people can’t call him, but he can come to you whenever he wants.
2. He runs away from the kids, especially the youngest. How smart is that!?! He just knows she looks dangerous so he steers clear.
3. He is big, and by big I mean HUGE! He is not over weight he is just very tall and very long, over 3 feet from his nose to the end of his tail!
4. He has been marked with an “M” on his forehead. (search Google, because I am apparently not smart enough to create a link)
   
5. He sheds awful amounts because he want you to remember him anytime you try to leave with the copious amounts of ginger fur he has left all over every article of clothing you own.
6. He knows who takes care of him best.
7. He always waits until right after I put the kids in bed and then he pops his head out of my doorway and then runs to me.
8. He will lay with the kids if they are not feeling well. If one of them has a fever he is right there beside them.
9. He has no claws, but he still uses the scratching post. That just maybe something that I love about him more than him being wise though.
10. He knows exactly how to interrupt anything I am doing so that he becomes priority #1.

So here is a toast to my wonderful cat, he-who-must-not-be-named. I must go now though because I have a strange feeling that he is plotting my death if he doesn’t get his quality time with me soon.

Slightly diminished

See, everyone gets lazy every now and then!

This has been me the past few days, without the log of course. Just tired and old and achy feeling. I’ve been to the Emergency Room twice in the last week or so because I did something I don’t remember to my right trapezius and I can’t turn my head without wincing. I can power through it some days, but it has killed me this weekend so earlier today I made my second trip and all they did was give me stronger drugs. As much as I don’t mind getting rid of the pain for a bit I want to make it go away for good! Why do I have to be so old!?! LOL

In other news, what if the bear isn’t lazy but she/he got tired of her furry bear leg/thighs rubbing together so she decided to give them some distance for a while? Yes, these are the kind of random thoughts that pop up in my head…scary isn’t it? Maybe the bear just needs something to help with chafing.

Torn in two

They think a pill can be the correct solution without knowing the whole problem.

Today they released my father from the hospital…and in my opinion it was premature. There has been no improvement of the infection besides decreased swelling and the redness and discoloration has only grown. They never checked to see if the infection was deeper than the first several layers of the skin because they believed it was not necessary. It’s true that I did not go to medical school, but I know the patient much better than they do. I don’t understand why they would send him home and then make him return every day to have more IV antibiotics. Why not just keep him until there is a marked improvement and until he no longer needs medication intravenously? They have me feeling sorry for him like I have to pick up where they left off, like it is up to me to take care of him now. Not that I don’t want to but I don’t have the time to. I just having this awful feeling he is going to end up right back in a hospital again and I will have to say “I told you so” for the second time in a month, except if I have to say it again it is going to come in paper form via my lawyer. If he get worse and has to be admitted again (at a different hospital of course) they will truly see the kind of daughter I am when I am suing them for everything they’ve got!

Justice shall be served!

Potty Training Hell

“Mom, why do I have to do this again…?”

Do I really need to elaborate much on this one? My youngest will be 3 in August and she flat-out refuses to use her potty. I have no doubt that she knows how and when to use it, she just won’t. She knows enough to go squat in a corner somewhere when she has to shit and then brings me a clean pull-up and wipes and says “mom, I stinky!” My oldest was trained by the time he was 3 and everyone says that girls are sooo much easier to potty train than boys. And to that I say go fuck yourselves, unless you’re willing to come train her, then I will try to be nice until you fail, and then I will mock you endlessly.

 

Is it impossible to make someone care?

Photo courtesy of http://www.alcoholic.org

Even though I know she may very well read this along with many other family members this is something I have to get off my chest. And she knows I feel this way but she always treats it like a joke. It is not a joke to me, it makes me sad and angry and to be perfectly honest disappointed.

When I discovered I was pregnant with my first I was single and living with my mom. When I told her she swore…a lot…and then reminded me that if I kept the child that it was mine and she was not raising her grandchild for me. Well, actually she wanted me to give it up for adoption first but I absolutely refused. Eventually she came around, especially after the baby shower and getting his room ready she was excited.

My son and I lived with my mom for almost a year when I had a steady job and I was ready to have our own space. But there were definitely a few instances which influenced my decision to get out as soon as possible. My mother was on her way home from her 3rd or so vacation that year and I needed someone to watch my son so I could go to a job interview. I just needed my mom to watch him for an hour and a half at the most and I knew she had been drinking her whole vacation, which isn’t different from any other day, so I asked her if she could refrain from drinking while I had my interview. Her response was “probably not” or something along those lines indicating that she would not be sober while watching my child.

After the interview I attempted to have a conversation with my mother about her alcoholism. Of course it didn’t end well and it just made me want to move out as soon as I possibly could. She just denies it. She thinks that it is okay to get drunk every night because she still has a job and pays her bills. What she failed to understand was that is was hurting her children and it most certainly meant that she would see her grandson much less because his mother did not want him to see her that way.

So now, almost five years later, she still continues to drink every night. And she sees her grandkids about twice a year, not including holidays. I have to ask her to watch them a month in advance and even then I still get the “well, I only get to see R (her boyfriend) on weekends”. Really…? She can’t give up one day every other month or so to see her grandchildren? I just don’t understand why or how he is that much more important than them. I mean, not once have I ever had her “raise” either of my children. I have done it mostly all by myself since day one. Even when I did live with her I rarely asked for help, not that I wasn’t very grateful when she did help, because she did sometimes and she still does on occassion. But I almost wish that I could make her care more than anything. I would give up everything else just to have her wanting to spend time with them. Randomly calling me and asking how they are or calling just because she want to hear their voices. Telling me she needs them to come over because she misses them, which she do sometimes, but I would like to hear it more than once or twice a year. What makes everyone else so much more important to her than her grandchildren, her own flesh and blood? Maybe I shold rephrase that…Why is drinking more important than anything or anyone? When will she realize it is a problem? I’ve tried so many times and it hurts more and more every time she ignores the truth, I just don’t know how many more tries I have left in me before I give up completely.

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry that I haven’t posted much lately.

I’m sorry that I have been feeling awful this week so I have done nothing besides keeping the kids alive, and even that was iffy.

I’m sorry that I haven’t wanted to be intimate with my husband.

I’m sorry that I didn’t argue more when they wanted to send my father home from the emergency room and not admit him.

I’m sorry that I didn’t go to his doctor a year ago and insist that he see a diabetes specialist or Endocrinologist.

I’m sorry that there are days where I just want to drop my children off with someone else so I can run away for a while.

I’m sorry that I can’t be there with my dad as much as I would like, even if my dad won’t admit that he needs me right now.

There many things I am sorry about right now, but I really need to do something besides sitting around and having my own little pity party. So this is my five minutes and when it is over I’m going get up and do something that I won’t have to be sorry for, something that I may even be able to be proud of. What are you sorry for? How are you going to fix it?

 

 

Daddy’s little girl

When I was about eight or so my parents for divorced and it tore me apart. The next few years were a little rough because dad didn’t  really have a permanent home yet and he got moved to second shift at his job so split custody was hard. Finally my dad was able to buy a house in the same town that we had all lived in as a family so there was no school change and I was even able to walk from each parent’s home to the other because they were so close.

I’m pretty sure my dad always thought of me as his little princess so he always gave me just about everything I asked for, but he was also very harsh at times and would be very quick to raise his voice and be very critical. In my teen years I resented him a little and quit trying to do things that I knew he would or could scream at me for. I became very involved in my church youth group, thank goodness is wasn’t something awful like drugs, and he seemed to be okay with me doing whatever as long as it was with my church buddies. For many years I was also very involved in a mime team with other church youth…maybe I will share those pictures someday LOL.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, after one year of college and a few more years at home (living with my mom), I was terrified to tell my dad. It’s almost like I was so afraid he would beat me and I would lose the baby. So in June of 2007 I was already 5-6 months pregnant, not really showing though, when I decided I had to tell him one way or the other. He was taking me out for dinner for my 21st birthday and I tried to say it the whole time but it wouldn’t come out. When I was driving him back to his house and we were about 3 blocks away I finally said it.

His reaction though still gets me to this day. He didn’t yell, he didn’t swear, he didn’t call me names, he simply said “Ok, so what are you going to do about it?” I told him that mom wanted me to consider adoption but I knew I couldn’t do that. I was too attached already and I was 21, a full-blown adult, and I should take responsibility for my actions. He was happy! Well, not happy the I was pregnant and unmarried, but happy that I was making the right choice. I think that is when our relationship started to change.

Since having my son he has been there for everything. He was so excited to be able to take his grandson fishing. When my son and I would go to church with him my dad would walk around beaming because he was such a proud grandpa. But within the last year or two my father’s health began to decline. He acts like he is fine but I know it kills him to have to ask me to take him grocery shopping because it hurts too much for him to walk.

This past friday he called me and told me something was wrong and when he described the severity of it I got scared. I told him he had to go to the Emergency Room. He said he would call me back to let me know, but after two hours my anxiety was getting to me so I went ahead and drive over to his house. It took a little while but I finally managed to get him to quit stalling and to let me drive so we could go. There was quite a wait when we got there, and there usually hasn’t been any time I have gone. Long story short they blamed it on a med that he had missed for a few days due to his pharmacy’s mix-up so they gave him a huge dose and sent him home.

I am not a doctor but I am a registered medical assistant so I have some experience and I truly think what they did was just to put a temporary patch on a problem that needs to be solved throughly and soon. I cannot and will not lose my father because he is not considered high priority. I refuse to let him continue to see a doctor that doesn’t check his feet and legs at every appointment. He is a diabetic, you must take these things into account! And he says his doctor refuses to refer him to a diabetes specialist or an Endocrinologist! I’m sure part of it is that my father is not always the best advocate for himself, but itf he is not going to do it I will. Mama bear is not happy and she is going to get things done, even if he has to find a new primary care provider after it’s all said and done.

 

Tales of the not-so-domesticated house wife

I’ve never used liquid fabric softener before but I bought some because I have new bathroom towels and within just a few washes they are stiff and almost crunchy. Will fabric softener help reverse this or do I need to go spend $30 more on new towels? And most importantly how the fuck do I use liquid fabric softener?

So electric toothbrushes are the thing now right? Why do they have to be so big? Along with my new towels I have a new toothbrush holder, but four brushes do not fit in it because my husband and I both have giant electric ones. This is injustice at it’s finest! So I guess my bathroom can look nice or my teeth can look nice, but definitely not both!

Can I just let my kids go naked for the summer so I can cut down on laundry? It seems like I’m doing theirs every other day! And I don’t even want to get into my laundry situation. I always get the top half of my basket clean but the bottom is reserved for the special clothes that have to be hand washed, or hung to dry or anything that might be more time consuming than the normal shit. I have lived off the top half for close to a year now.

Another thing I don’t understand is dry-cleaning, how is it better? Why is it so damn expensive? I own one shirt that claims it must be dry cleaned, so I am probably going to just wear it until it smells so bad that I give in and throw it out because I’m sure it will be out of style by then anyways.

I’ve managed to figure most things out on my own and I’m sure I will work these issues out eventually, or I will just ignore them as usual 😛

Another one bites the dust

The big 2-7. I know what you’re thinking, 27 is not that old but to me it is 3 years from being ancient. I’m 27 and I’ve still never seen the ocean. I’m 27 and I have never been on an airplane. I don’t have a steady career, I don’t have a college degree, I don’t own my own home, there are just have things that I haven’t done yet at this age and it throws me a little. Most of my classmates or friends my age have already done these things and it kinda makes me feel left behind. I guess I would call this my glass half empty thinking.

In the other side of the glass, I have two beautiful children that I would never give up for any of these things. I have a wonderful husband who puts up with me and all my craziness. I have amazing parents who are still near and willing to help with just about anything. Even though my age is getting scary, all my glass half full things override the glass half empty things. My glass is more like 3/4 full and even though my ‘I’ve never” list is pretty long, I’m very happy with my “I have” list.

To me every age feels old because it’s always the oldest you’ve ever been. One of these days though I will be able to have a much larger “I have” list and I will welcome that day whenever its comes, whether sooner or later.

My strange offspring

My son: “Hey mom, Why did the kid talk to his brother?”

Me: “I don’t know, why?

My son: “Because his brother was the toilet!” Followed by copious amounts of annoying laughter.

Sometimes I really want to know what goes on in my childrens’ heads and other times I would rather not know.

Things my children say amuse me, confuse me and sometimes really catch me off guard. My son is too freaking smart and sometimes he says these words that I had know idea he knew. My daughter has a pretty good vocabulary for being two, but sometimes her pronunciation could use some work.

I think that is going to be my goal for the summer, I”m going to make sure my son knows how to spell most of the words he uses and I want to work with my daughter on the alphabet, phonics and numbers more. Dreams of grandeur, I know, but anything is better than making no effort at all, right?

Oh, and I will definitely be teaching my son some better jokes, ones that are actually funny.