To be excited…or not to be

This could be me again real soon…

I may soon be joining the working mom population again and I’m not sure what to think. I would love to bring some more income into the house because we definitely need it and it would be nice to do something other than watch the kids all day but…just but.

If everything works out I will be working with my husband’s boss’s wife which will be great  because they are both more than willing to arrange our schedules so that we never have to have daycare. And that is amazing considering my biggest worry was that if I went back to work and we had to have a sitter that one of our paychecks would go straight to whoever was watching the kids. But know that means that if I’m working my husband will not be which means he will be responsible for the kids.

I love my husband, I truly do, but taking good care of the children is not one of his strong skills. He does keep them alive and we haven’t had any trips to the ER lately (I’m kidding honey, I love you!) but other than that he can be very hands off. With just him working right now the time that he spends at home is usually sleeping or playing video games and I’m afraid if I was working during those times when he is not he would continue to do the same thing. Maybe I’m just being a stickler but I really appreciate when my kids eat a meal that is composed of something other than things in their “snack drawer”. He makes it seem like it is too difficult to part himself from his computer, the bed, or the couch so he just tells my son to get them any food he can reach. I am definitely not trying to call him out though, he knows very well he does this and he knows exactly how I feel about it.

So this is why I am half excited to go back to work and half terrified. Any advice from other moms who have been a similar situation is more than welcome!!!

Is it impossible to make someone care?

Photo courtesy of http://www.alcoholic.org

Even though I know she may very well read this along with many other family members this is something I have to get off my chest. And she knows I feel this way but she always treats it like a joke. It is not a joke to me, it makes me sad and angry and to be perfectly honest disappointed.

When I discovered I was pregnant with my first I was single and living with my mom. When I told her she swore…a lot…and then reminded me that if I kept the child that it was mine and she was not raising her grandchild for me. Well, actually she wanted me to give it up for adoption first but I absolutely refused. Eventually she came around, especially after the baby shower and getting his room ready she was excited.

My son and I lived with my mom for almost a year when I had a steady job and I was ready to have our own space. But there were definitely a few instances which influenced my decision to get out as soon as possible. My mother was on her way home from her 3rd or so vacation that year and I needed someone to watch my son so I could go to a job interview. I just needed my mom to watch him for an hour and a half at the most and I knew she had been drinking her whole vacation, which isn’t different from any other day, so I asked her if she could refrain from drinking while I had my interview. Her response was “probably not” or something along those lines indicating that she would not be sober while watching my child.

After the interview I attempted to have a conversation with my mother about her alcoholism. Of course it didn’t end well and it just made me want to move out as soon as I possibly could. She just denies it. She thinks that it is okay to get drunk every night because she still has a job and pays her bills. What she failed to understand was that is was hurting her children and it most certainly meant that she would see her grandson much less because his mother did not want him to see her that way.

So now, almost five years later, she still continues to drink every night. And she sees her grandkids about twice a year, not including holidays. I have to ask her to watch them a month in advance and even then I still get the “well, I only get to see R (her boyfriend) on weekends”. Really…? She can’t give up one day every other month or so to see her grandchildren? I just don’t understand why or how he is that much more important than them. I mean, not once have I ever had her “raise” either of my children. I have done it mostly all by myself since day one. Even when I did live with her I rarely asked for help, not that I wasn’t very grateful when she did help, because she did sometimes and she still does on occassion. But I almost wish that I could make her care more than anything. I would give up everything else just to have her wanting to spend time with them. Randomly calling me and asking how they are or calling just because she want to hear their voices. Telling me she needs them to come over because she misses them, which she do sometimes, but I would like to hear it more than once or twice a year. What makes everyone else so much more important to her than her grandchildren, her own flesh and blood? Maybe I shold rephrase that…Why is drinking more important than anything or anyone? When will she realize it is a problem? I’ve tried so many times and it hurts more and more every time she ignores the truth, I just don’t know how many more tries I have left in me before I give up completely.

Tales of the not-so-domesticated house wife

I’ve never used liquid fabric softener before but I bought some because I have new bathroom towels and within just a few washes they are stiff and almost crunchy. Will fabric softener help reverse this or do I need to go spend $30 more on new towels? And most importantly how the fuck do I use liquid fabric softener?

So electric toothbrushes are the thing now right? Why do they have to be so big? Along with my new towels I have a new toothbrush holder, but four brushes do not fit in it because my husband and I both have giant electric ones. This is injustice at it’s finest! So I guess my bathroom can look nice or my teeth can look nice, but definitely not both!

Can I just let my kids go naked for the summer so I can cut down on laundry? It seems like I’m doing theirs every other day! And I don’t even want to get into my laundry situation. I always get the top half of my basket clean but the bottom is reserved for the special clothes that have to be hand washed, or hung to dry or anything that might be more time consuming than the normal shit. I have lived off the top half for close to a year now.

Another thing I don’t understand is dry-cleaning, how is it better? Why is it so damn expensive? I own one shirt that claims it must be dry cleaned, so I am probably going to just wear it until it smells so bad that I give in and throw it out because I’m sure it will be out of style by then anyways.

I’ve managed to figure most things out on my own and I’m sure I will work these issues out eventually, or I will just ignore them as usual 😛

One of those special moments

My sweet baby girl.

Tonight I had one of those special moments, the ones that make you relax and remind you exactly why you wanted children. Sometimes I think that in order for those moments to happen you have to be a little stressed or frazzled or even ready to throw the towel in. But kids seem to sense this somehow and do this one little thing that always makes your heart melt. I had one of these this evening.

For starters my day just got off to a really crappy start. When my husband finally came to bed it was like 7 in the morning and however he got on the bed (this is up for debate, I swear he tried to lay a power bomb on me and missed by a few inches, he says he just sat down) he scared the mother f$#%ing daylights out of me and I failed around like I was having a seizure or something. When I calmed down I realized I was in a ton of pain, it felt like I had ripped my Latissimus Dorsi in half!

I take some pain meds and try to use our heating pad, which now does not appear to work at all, and really tried to rest it. After feeding the kids dinner they were driving me nuts so I decided to put them in bed a little earlier than usual tonight. That didn’t really happen though because I found them in my room having torn all the sheets and blankets off my bed and jumping on it. So after we finished remaking mommy’s bed it then took me another 10 minutes to get their pajamas on. Finally got them ready, took them to their room to tuck them in and discovered that my daughter had taken out all her pajamas, socks, and underwear and had them strewn all over their floor.

I got her clothes all picked up had the kids tucked in and given many hugs and kisses when I go to close the door behind me I hear my daughter say “Mom?”. But it wasn’t just any plain old ‘mom’, it was the one they say in a quiet voice that automatically plays your heartstrings like a harp and you have to answer because they addressed you so sweetly. So I opened the door back up and asked what she needed. Then she said a bunch I couldn’t understand so I just said, “Ok honey, we will try to do that tomorrow.” I had one of those moments today. I was frustrated, annoyed and just plain tired among other things but that one little word stopped me in my tracks and said “this is why you are a mom”. Every now and then you have these little moments that put everything precisely in perspective and you then have absolutely no doubt as to why you chose to be a mother.

 

Maybe I’m just a mean mom…

Today I am going to start off with a story. A few months ago I was grocery shopping with my daughter at  Wal-Mart (I know, so magical already, but it gets better!) and while we were checking out she kept trying to play with the credit card machine. I removed her hands from it and told her no twice and then the third time I moved the cart away  from the machine so that she could not reach it. For some reason the cashier thought my idea was genius. She said “I’ve never seen any parent do that”. So I’m thinking as I am walking out to my car “Was she serious, does no one else do anything about their misbehaving children…?”

Sometimes I wonder if I really am a mean mom…I use traditional discipline, I do not take back talk, I don’t reward bad behavior, things like that. There are just many things that I don’t do or do differently than other moms and sometimes it makes that horrible little question pop up in the back of my mind: Am I a mean mom?

I’m going to use the S word so if anyone is not okay with that you should look away now. SPANK. That’s right, you read it, I spank my children. If they are misbehaving (especially at home) I will spank their little bottoms and then they will have a time out. It doesn’t always correct the problem right away but I always talk to them too. I want them to understand what they were doing wrong and why they just got swatted. I don’t count to 3 and then do nothing about it like some parents, if they are in trouble they know what is coming next.

Most of the time my kids are pretty well-behaved in public, but there are times when they aren’t. And I am not one of those moms who will just ask them to be quiet. If they begin acting “a fool” in public I will yank them out to the car and give them and swat that they deserve. I will not put up with it and they both know I won’t so I haven’t had any issues in  quite a while.

I never rocked my children to sleep and I do not let them sleep in bed with me. I know, I am awful! When I had my son he slept with me one night and the next morning I decided he was going in his own crib in his own bedroom. I have friends that still sleep with the baby right next to them or in the bed with them or rocked their child to sleep every night and I just don’t get. Why start a something you know you are eventually going to want to change when you know the change will be painful for all? How long are you going to have to rock them to sleep, until they are 12? When are you going to ever be able to have sex again without a child in the room? I guess I just don’t get and I have never really had the luxury of being able to stay at home all the time and take naps with the kids. I had to go to work and/or school with every kid so I needed my sleep at night. Maybe I’m just stingy.

I don’t let my kids play video games. To clarify, my son does have a Vetech Mobigo which does have video game-like cartridges, but they are all educational. He does not have his own x-box that he plays Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto all the time. I don’t let him use the Wii U unless it’s a game specifically for kids.

I did not let my children have pop when they were younger. My son didn’t have any until about 3 and my daughter was about 2 (and that’s only because her father drinks a tons and leaves half full cups of Mt. Dew everywhere). I do let them have it now but it is usually not more than once a week. There are exceptions of course, like this week, but even so they never have anything with caffeine, unless it’s my husband’s 3-day old pop…eww.

I am not a short order cook. If I make spaghetti for dinner and they choose not to eat it then they go to bed hungry. I’m just so cruel!

So I might be stern and even though I might think I am sometimes, I truly don’t think I am a terribly mean mother. My children are well-behaved (most of the time) individuals who are independent and extremely bright. And I want them to stay that way. To me, my job as a parent is to help mold my children into adults who can succeed at whatever they choose and this is how I choose to go about it.

One Proud Momma!

My boy is not a baby anymore 😦

Today my oldest graduated from PreKindergarten and I couldn’t be more happy and sad at the same time. This means he is no longer my baby boy either. I raised an independent, smart, mouthy, young man, but I don’t know if I am ready for him to grow up yet. Next year he will be in Kindergarten, going to school all day five days a week, and they don’t take naps anymore! Don’t get me wrong, I will be glad to have him going all day as opposed to this half-day, 3-hour bullshit but his sister will drive me crazy not having brother to play with in the mornings.

He is going to have a blast next year and I’m sure he would start tomorrow if he could. I hope he maintains that excitement about going to school. He is more than ready to move up, my only concern is that he may not be challenged enough. He will be older than most of his classmates, turning 6 soon after he starts next year, but he has doing things like addition and subtraction for over a year now. He is reading all by himself with very little help and I’m just afraid he will just be taught things he already knows. I am hoping in the next year or two to get him into the gifted program and then that will certainly ease my worries of him not being challenged.

Even though I am not too happy that he is growing up so fast I cannot wait to see how he does when he gets to high school. When he gets to choose his classes and decide how far he wants to push himself. I was very book smart too growing up (I lack in common-sense smarts a little though LOL) and I was always in accelerated English and I took Algebra 1 in eighth grade so I was always with much older students in my math classes. But towards the end of my junior year and all of my senior year I lost my drive, I took dumb classes or had free periods. I hope that my son can keep his drive even if I have to give him a little shove every now and then. I need him to grow up and be rich so he can buy me a nice house someday! As much as I want him to stay driven, the most I can do is make sure that he is always happy.

I Am That Mom

As much as I hate to admit it, that is me sometimes. I don’t ever verbalize my judgement, even when I really want to, and I don’t ever tell another mother they are doing something the wrong way, but I do judge in my head.

I would  never tell another mother that I think the way they choose to raise their child is f#$%ing nuts, but I might think it.

I will not tell another mother to control their child when they are ignoring their kid who is crawling up the walls or throwing things at a restaurant, even though I might throw some dirty looks in that direction or point you out to my husband.

I won’t discipline your children for you when we are at a park and they are being rude to my children, but I will tell my kids to stay away from yours and knowing my daughter she would be just as rude right back.

I will not ask you to keep your screaming children quiet in the middle of Walmart…actually I will probably give you a smile a sympathizing look because I know how that one feels LOL.

There are many things that I won’t do, but judging is not on that list. I am not perfect, never have claimed to be, and I still judge others sometimes, moms especially. However, I know I am not alone in this, every mom probably does, whether she wants to admit to it or not. I think the difference is how you use it. If you use it to be rude and confrontational then you are an asshole. If you use it to make fun of them later (sometimes) then you are kind of like me. If you use it to try and improve your parenting that’s great! So my final judgement is that those judging should not be judged, lest they judge wrongfully…you know what I mean!

My Little Princess

In August it will be three years since I had my beautiful baby girl and it seems like the time has flown by, but she had a rough beginning.

My pregnancy with her was much different from my first one with my son. I had very high blood pressure all throughout, even with medication, I had gestational diabetes and I was very sick the whole time when I was pregnant with my daughter. For my daughter I had chosen to continue seeing my family doctor instead of going to my O.B.G.Y.N. that I had used for my son, but soon my pregnancy became so high risk that she had to send me to an O.B. who specialized in high risk pregnancies. I was not quite 32 weeks when I got in to see the specialist and that office visit would be the beginning of my nightmare.

My blood pressure when taken at that appointment was 200/130, for those who don’t know that is extremely high and I was at risk for a seizures with it being so high. The doctor immediately sent to the hospital so he could run more tests and get the results faster. A few hours later the decision had been made that they had to get my little girl out as soon as possible. This left me absolutely terrified knowing that my baby was going to be premature and because of that many things could be wrong with her.

They tried to induce me by doing some strange things but I knew they wanted it done quickly. After almost a day with all the methods they had tried including pitocin I was stuck dilated at a 5 and every time I would have a contraction my baby’s heart rate would drop. They became very scared and started talking to me about my options. Of course the big one was to get a C-section and get her out quickly, but I was terrified of being cut open like that and even more scared of the recovery. In the end though I had to decide what was the best way to keep me and my little girl safe, so I went to have a C-section.

The whole surgery was very uncomfortable and I continued to feel pain and kept asking for more meds. Because of my high blood pressure I was also on Magnesium Sulfate which can cause flu-like symptoms. So in between yelling that I was in pain and continually asking if they were done yet I became very sick to my stomach and ended up throwing up all over my husband.

They told me they were about to bring her out and then as soon as they do she is breathing and screaming her head off which made me super happy, but they didn’t let me see her. They whisked her out of the room so fast I didn’t even get a glance. My husband went with her to watch her be evaluated and met me in the recovery room later with a million pictures and videos. However they had pushed so many pain meds that I was very lethargic and would often quit breathing so they would have to shake me and scream to get me to breathe.

I finally got back to my regular room and was slightly more aware of my surroundings when I asked to see the pictures.

This absolutely broke my heart. My poor baby was just 3 lbs and 12 oz and hooked up to so many machines! Thankfully she was very healthy for her little size and was off the ventilator in just a few hours, but I still get not get to see her in person until the next day.

When I did get to see her I just bawled and bawled. It tore me up so bad that I could not hold my own baby, that I would be leaving in a few days and I wouldn’t be taking her home with me. At this point they determined she was healthy but being so early she still had to learn how to eat. She was tube fed for two weeks or so but I still hadn’t been able to hold her yet. When I got the phone call that I could hold her finally I dropped everything and just about ran to the hospital.

This is probably the first smile I had on my face in weeks. I didn’t want to give her back, I just wanted to hold her for forever. They started her on bottle feedings and she had it down in a week and a half but there was one small issue. After she would eat when they would put her back in her crib her heart rate would drop. At 4 weeks old they decided I could take her home but they wanted her on a heart monitor to monitor for more bradycardic episodes. When they are going to let you take your child home from the NICU they have you do a “trial run” so to speak. They put you in an isolated room with you and the baby and they only had the heart monitor on her like we would at home.

This is her at 4 weeks and almost 5 lbs. After spending the night with her and the heart monitor I changed my mind and told them that I would rather her have to stay a little bit longer so they could try some other options to help the the episodes. I also decided that I wanted to stay there so I could be with her as much as possible, but in choosing to do that I would not see my son much. Which really sucked because his birthday was that week.

Fortunately my mom threw him a little party and I was able to go see my boy turn three. With my daughter they tried a medicine to help with reflux and it did not seem to help but then they took her off breast milk and started her a formula for spit up and it worked! After five weeks I finally got to bring my baby home.

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He was instantly in love with his baby sister and I was finally happy to have everyone at home. Throughout this whole process I was a mess. I cried daily and it hurt so much not to have my child. But yet I saw other babies in the NICU that were much smaller and had many more issues and I couldn’t have even imagined if that had been me. I got very lucky with her but there is definitely still a part of me that is scared to have another one because I know I couldn’t make it through that twice. But there is definitely a happy ending to this story. As I said she will soon be three and her intelligence amazes me. She has had no delays whatsoever and she starting doing things like walking  and crawling before my son who was born at full term. Here is one last picture of my beautiful babies from just a few weeks ago.

No Sick Days!?!

They always say there are no sick days when you’re a mom, but I really REALLY needed one today.

Last night I was walking to the kitchen when I stepped on something sharp. So I jump over to the couch to sit down and try to find out what was now stuck in the side of my foot. It was a toothpick, and probably a used one knowing my children. I’m start yelling at my husband to pull this f#$%ing thing out of my foot (quick like a band-aid of course). After he pulls it out he tells me it was at least 1/8th of an inch embedded, if not more. I preformed the usual first aid and washed it with soap and water and applied ointment and a band-aid.

This morning I got up and went to stand I discovered how much pain I was in. My foot is swollen to ogre size and it very red, not to mention the fact that I have to walk like a drunk penguin to not scream every time I put my foot down. Also I have this wicked cold that has had me sounding like a man for the last 3 days, so needless to say I felt like shit all around.

I really needed that sick day today, I needed to rest my voice and stay off my foot and basically just take care of myself  today so I could be at my best for them tomorrow. Unfortunately sick days are not a benefit of being a stay-at-home mommy so I had to tough it out today and it was very rough but hopefully tomorrow will be better…

Did I just say that…?

Sometimes the things I have to say as a mother to young children are off the wall crazy. These are some of my favorites

“You cannot not eat corn dogs while they are still frozen!”

“You do not clean your toenails with you toothbrush!”

“Do not drink water out of the cats’ bowl!”

“You cannot ride the cats like horses!”

“Why is everything in the bathroom wet like in a public restroom!?!”

“Why are you dipping your macaroni and cheese in ketchup?”

“Smashed bananas are not a hair product!”

“No you cannot have donuts for dinner!”

“Ranch is not to paint the table with!”

“Did you really try try to paint the whole wall with nail polish?”

“Why are your shoes in the drawer with your sister’s underwear?”

Then there are many wonderful things that come out of their mouths also but my favorite by far today was “Happy Mother’s Day mommy!”

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, dads who act like moms, and grandmothers. And remember, even though it’s nice to get gifts, your children may be the best gifts you will ever get…and there is no return policy! LOL