If the Two’s are Terrible, Then What are the Three’s?

My baby girl is 3 now!

Although it makes me sad that she seems to be growing up so quickly, I am also amazed at the leaps and bounds she has made and I cannot wait for her to show me all the things she can do and learn. Despite her early entrance into the world she has not let anything stop her and I could not be more proud. Just within the last few weeks she has gotten down potty training and is doing amazing. For her birthday we got her a bike and I have no doubt that the first we take her outside to let her ride she will go and go and go.

She is ready to ride, and of course she can’t do it without her new pink sparkly cowgirl boots!

My daughter has always been much more high maintenance than my son was. My son was the easiest baby in the world and I got very lucky with him, but then I had my daughter and I was reminded that every baby is different and if I got lucky the first time the second time would suck ass. Her two’s were awful most of the time and the amount of attitude I got from this 25 lb. thing was astounding. So I had my tough couple of years and now it’s going to get easier…right?

 

If you only knew

There are very few things that get my blood boiling faster than hearing a pregnant woman who is two weeks from her due date and just “so tired” of being pregnant complaining that she wants the baby out and is willing to try anything and everything to get labor started. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO RUSH THIS!?! Just because you are uncomfortable? Wouldn’t you rather be uncomfortable for a few weeks but still have a healthy baby. You have no idea that there are so many mothers out there that don’t get that luxury. Can you even image being forced to have your baby early because  you and your babies lives’ are in danger?

In truth, should I let it bother me to the point where I am shaking just trying to write this? No I shouldn’t, but some people are so small-minded that they never even think of anyone else but themselves. My philosophy for any pregnancy is always baby first! Everything I do is for that baby, whether it be going on six different meds to control my high blood pressure and gestational diabetes, or having a dreaded C-section because my child’s heartbeat drops with every contraction. So my new goal is to enlighten people instead getting upset about idiots!

 

To be excited…or not to be

This could be me again real soon…

I may soon be joining the working mom population again and I’m not sure what to think. I would love to bring some more income into the house because we definitely need it and it would be nice to do something other than watch the kids all day but…just but.

If everything works out I will be working with my husband’s boss’s wife which will be great  because they are both more than willing to arrange our schedules so that we never have to have daycare. And that is amazing considering my biggest worry was that if I went back to work and we had to have a sitter that one of our paychecks would go straight to whoever was watching the kids. But know that means that if I’m working my husband will not be which means he will be responsible for the kids.

I love my husband, I truly do, but taking good care of the children is not one of his strong skills. He does keep them alive and we haven’t had any trips to the ER lately (I’m kidding honey, I love you!) but other than that he can be very hands off. With just him working right now the time that he spends at home is usually sleeping or playing video games and I’m afraid if I was working during those times when he is not he would continue to do the same thing. Maybe I’m just being a stickler but I really appreciate when my kids eat a meal that is composed of something other than things in their “snack drawer”. He makes it seem like it is too difficult to part himself from his computer, the bed, or the couch so he just tells my son to get them any food he can reach. I am definitely not trying to call him out though, he knows very well he does this and he knows exactly how I feel about it.

So this is why I am half excited to go back to work and half terrified. Any advice from other moms who have been a similar situation is more than welcome!!!

Bridges Burned

Burn, baby, burn!

I don’t particularly like burning bridges, not anymore than I like holding grudges, but sometimes it must be done. For the sake of my family, for the sake of our money (or lack there-of), and frankly for the sake of my sanity. There are few people that I have cut off wholly and completely and this particular one will definitely never be making an appearance in my home around me or my children.

I don’t want to go into the past too much but basically I just gave this person too many chances and every time she fucked me and/or my family over. I am nightmare if you mess with my children and I will go psycho on your ass. This person has experienced me in that mood many times and it is safe to say that he/she is absolutely terrified of me now, and with good reason.

Now the city I live in isn’t small by any means, but it is beginning to feel that way. Somehow this person managed to get a job where my husband works. He, lucky for them, does not feel the same way I do. I just think he has a horrible memory and is way to quick to forgive, but that’s just me. Since working with him they have engaged in the same kind of behavior that I cut ties for. And just recently I came to the understanding  that this person has had lots of recent time spent with the police because of drugs and other stupid shit.

Needless to say, I was right to tell this person to stay the hell away from me and my family. I wish them all the luck though because it seems like they are damn sure going to need it.

Is it impossible to make someone care?

Photo courtesy of http://www.alcoholic.org

Even though I know she may very well read this along with many other family members this is something I have to get off my chest. And she knows I feel this way but she always treats it like a joke. It is not a joke to me, it makes me sad and angry and to be perfectly honest disappointed.

When I discovered I was pregnant with my first I was single and living with my mom. When I told her she swore…a lot…and then reminded me that if I kept the child that it was mine and she was not raising her grandchild for me. Well, actually she wanted me to give it up for adoption first but I absolutely refused. Eventually she came around, especially after the baby shower and getting his room ready she was excited.

My son and I lived with my mom for almost a year when I had a steady job and I was ready to have our own space. But there were definitely a few instances which influenced my decision to get out as soon as possible. My mother was on her way home from her 3rd or so vacation that year and I needed someone to watch my son so I could go to a job interview. I just needed my mom to watch him for an hour and a half at the most and I knew she had been drinking her whole vacation, which isn’t different from any other day, so I asked her if she could refrain from drinking while I had my interview. Her response was “probably not” or something along those lines indicating that she would not be sober while watching my child.

After the interview I attempted to have a conversation with my mother about her alcoholism. Of course it didn’t end well and it just made me want to move out as soon as I possibly could. She just denies it. She thinks that it is okay to get drunk every night because she still has a job and pays her bills. What she failed to understand was that is was hurting her children and it most certainly meant that she would see her grandson much less because his mother did not want him to see her that way.

So now, almost five years later, she still continues to drink every night. And she sees her grandkids about twice a year, not including holidays. I have to ask her to watch them a month in advance and even then I still get the “well, I only get to see R (her boyfriend) on weekends”. Really…? She can’t give up one day every other month or so to see her grandchildren? I just don’t understand why or how he is that much more important than them. I mean, not once have I ever had her “raise” either of my children. I have done it mostly all by myself since day one. Even when I did live with her I rarely asked for help, not that I wasn’t very grateful when she did help, because she did sometimes and she still does on occassion. But I almost wish that I could make her care more than anything. I would give up everything else just to have her wanting to spend time with them. Randomly calling me and asking how they are or calling just because she want to hear their voices. Telling me she needs them to come over because she misses them, which she do sometimes, but I would like to hear it more than once or twice a year. What makes everyone else so much more important to her than her grandchildren, her own flesh and blood? Maybe I shold rephrase that…Why is drinking more important than anything or anyone? When will she realize it is a problem? I’ve tried so many times and it hurts more and more every time she ignores the truth, I just don’t know how many more tries I have left in me before I give up completely.

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry that I haven’t posted much lately.

I’m sorry that I have been feeling awful this week so I have done nothing besides keeping the kids alive, and even that was iffy.

I’m sorry that I haven’t wanted to be intimate with my husband.

I’m sorry that I didn’t argue more when they wanted to send my father home from the emergency room and not admit him.

I’m sorry that I didn’t go to his doctor a year ago and insist that he see a diabetes specialist or Endocrinologist.

I’m sorry that there are days where I just want to drop my children off with someone else so I can run away for a while.

I’m sorry that I can’t be there with my dad as much as I would like, even if my dad won’t admit that he needs me right now.

There many things I am sorry about right now, but I really need to do something besides sitting around and having my own little pity party. So this is my five minutes and when it is over I’m going get up and do something that I won’t have to be sorry for, something that I may even be able to be proud of. What are you sorry for? How are you going to fix it?

 

 

Daddy’s little girl

When I was about eight or so my parents for divorced and it tore me apart. The next few years were a little rough because dad didn’t  really have a permanent home yet and he got moved to second shift at his job so split custody was hard. Finally my dad was able to buy a house in the same town that we had all lived in as a family so there was no school change and I was even able to walk from each parent’s home to the other because they were so close.

I’m pretty sure my dad always thought of me as his little princess so he always gave me just about everything I asked for, but he was also very harsh at times and would be very quick to raise his voice and be very critical. In my teen years I resented him a little and quit trying to do things that I knew he would or could scream at me for. I became very involved in my church youth group, thank goodness is wasn’t something awful like drugs, and he seemed to be okay with me doing whatever as long as it was with my church buddies. For many years I was also very involved in a mime team with other church youth…maybe I will share those pictures someday LOL.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, after one year of college and a few more years at home (living with my mom), I was terrified to tell my dad. It’s almost like I was so afraid he would beat me and I would lose the baby. So in June of 2007 I was already 5-6 months pregnant, not really showing though, when I decided I had to tell him one way or the other. He was taking me out for dinner for my 21st birthday and I tried to say it the whole time but it wouldn’t come out. When I was driving him back to his house and we were about 3 blocks away I finally said it.

His reaction though still gets me to this day. He didn’t yell, he didn’t swear, he didn’t call me names, he simply said “Ok, so what are you going to do about it?” I told him that mom wanted me to consider adoption but I knew I couldn’t do that. I was too attached already and I was 21, a full-blown adult, and I should take responsibility for my actions. He was happy! Well, not happy the I was pregnant and unmarried, but happy that I was making the right choice. I think that is when our relationship started to change.

Since having my son he has been there for everything. He was so excited to be able to take his grandson fishing. When my son and I would go to church with him my dad would walk around beaming because he was such a proud grandpa. But within the last year or two my father’s health began to decline. He acts like he is fine but I know it kills him to have to ask me to take him grocery shopping because it hurts too much for him to walk.

This past friday he called me and told me something was wrong and when he described the severity of it I got scared. I told him he had to go to the Emergency Room. He said he would call me back to let me know, but after two hours my anxiety was getting to me so I went ahead and drive over to his house. It took a little while but I finally managed to get him to quit stalling and to let me drive so we could go. There was quite a wait when we got there, and there usually hasn’t been any time I have gone. Long story short they blamed it on a med that he had missed for a few days due to his pharmacy’s mix-up so they gave him a huge dose and sent him home.

I am not a doctor but I am a registered medical assistant so I have some experience and I truly think what they did was just to put a temporary patch on a problem that needs to be solved throughly and soon. I cannot and will not lose my father because he is not considered high priority. I refuse to let him continue to see a doctor that doesn’t check his feet and legs at every appointment. He is a diabetic, you must take these things into account! And he says his doctor refuses to refer him to a diabetes specialist or an Endocrinologist! I’m sure part of it is that my father is not always the best advocate for himself, but itf he is not going to do it I will. Mama bear is not happy and she is going to get things done, even if he has to find a new primary care provider after it’s all said and done.

 

One of those special moments

My sweet baby girl.

Tonight I had one of those special moments, the ones that make you relax and remind you exactly why you wanted children. Sometimes I think that in order for those moments to happen you have to be a little stressed or frazzled or even ready to throw the towel in. But kids seem to sense this somehow and do this one little thing that always makes your heart melt. I had one of these this evening.

For starters my day just got off to a really crappy start. When my husband finally came to bed it was like 7 in the morning and however he got on the bed (this is up for debate, I swear he tried to lay a power bomb on me and missed by a few inches, he says he just sat down) he scared the mother f$#%ing daylights out of me and I failed around like I was having a seizure or something. When I calmed down I realized I was in a ton of pain, it felt like I had ripped my Latissimus Dorsi in half!

I take some pain meds and try to use our heating pad, which now does not appear to work at all, and really tried to rest it. After feeding the kids dinner they were driving me nuts so I decided to put them in bed a little earlier than usual tonight. That didn’t really happen though because I found them in my room having torn all the sheets and blankets off my bed and jumping on it. So after we finished remaking mommy’s bed it then took me another 10 minutes to get their pajamas on. Finally got them ready, took them to their room to tuck them in and discovered that my daughter had taken out all her pajamas, socks, and underwear and had them strewn all over their floor.

I got her clothes all picked up had the kids tucked in and given many hugs and kisses when I go to close the door behind me I hear my daughter say “Mom?”. But it wasn’t just any plain old ‘mom’, it was the one they say in a quiet voice that automatically plays your heartstrings like a harp and you have to answer because they addressed you so sweetly. So I opened the door back up and asked what she needed. Then she said a bunch I couldn’t understand so I just said, “Ok honey, we will try to do that tomorrow.” I had one of those moments today. I was frustrated, annoyed and just plain tired among other things but that one little word stopped me in my tracks and said “this is why you are a mom”. Every now and then you have these little moments that put everything precisely in perspective and you then have absolutely no doubt as to why you chose to be a mother.

 

Maybe I’m just a mean mom…

Today I am going to start off with a story. A few months ago I was grocery shopping with my daughter at  Wal-Mart (I know, so magical already, but it gets better!) and while we were checking out she kept trying to play with the credit card machine. I removed her hands from it and told her no twice and then the third time I moved the cart away  from the machine so that she could not reach it. For some reason the cashier thought my idea was genius. She said “I’ve never seen any parent do that”. So I’m thinking as I am walking out to my car “Was she serious, does no one else do anything about their misbehaving children…?”

Sometimes I wonder if I really am a mean mom…I use traditional discipline, I do not take back talk, I don’t reward bad behavior, things like that. There are just many things that I don’t do or do differently than other moms and sometimes it makes that horrible little question pop up in the back of my mind: Am I a mean mom?

I’m going to use the S word so if anyone is not okay with that you should look away now. SPANK. That’s right, you read it, I spank my children. If they are misbehaving (especially at home) I will spank their little bottoms and then they will have a time out. It doesn’t always correct the problem right away but I always talk to them too. I want them to understand what they were doing wrong and why they just got swatted. I don’t count to 3 and then do nothing about it like some parents, if they are in trouble they know what is coming next.

Most of the time my kids are pretty well-behaved in public, but there are times when they aren’t. And I am not one of those moms who will just ask them to be quiet. If they begin acting “a fool” in public I will yank them out to the car and give them and swat that they deserve. I will not put up with it and they both know I won’t so I haven’t had any issues in  quite a while.

I never rocked my children to sleep and I do not let them sleep in bed with me. I know, I am awful! When I had my son he slept with me one night and the next morning I decided he was going in his own crib in his own bedroom. I have friends that still sleep with the baby right next to them or in the bed with them or rocked their child to sleep every night and I just don’t get. Why start a something you know you are eventually going to want to change when you know the change will be painful for all? How long are you going to have to rock them to sleep, until they are 12? When are you going to ever be able to have sex again without a child in the room? I guess I just don’t get and I have never really had the luxury of being able to stay at home all the time and take naps with the kids. I had to go to work and/or school with every kid so I needed my sleep at night. Maybe I’m just stingy.

I don’t let my kids play video games. To clarify, my son does have a Vetech Mobigo which does have video game-like cartridges, but they are all educational. He does not have his own x-box that he plays Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto all the time. I don’t let him use the Wii U unless it’s a game specifically for kids.

I did not let my children have pop when they were younger. My son didn’t have any until about 3 and my daughter was about 2 (and that’s only because her father drinks a tons and leaves half full cups of Mt. Dew everywhere). I do let them have it now but it is usually not more than once a week. There are exceptions of course, like this week, but even so they never have anything with caffeine, unless it’s my husband’s 3-day old pop…eww.

I am not a short order cook. If I make spaghetti for dinner and they choose not to eat it then they go to bed hungry. I’m just so cruel!

So I might be stern and even though I might think I am sometimes, I truly don’t think I am a terribly mean mother. My children are well-behaved (most of the time) individuals who are independent and extremely bright. And I want them to stay that way. To me, my job as a parent is to help mold my children into adults who can succeed at whatever they choose and this is how I choose to go about it.

I Am That Mom

As much as I hate to admit it, that is me sometimes. I don’t ever verbalize my judgement, even when I really want to, and I don’t ever tell another mother they are doing something the wrong way, but I do judge in my head.

I would  never tell another mother that I think the way they choose to raise their child is f#$%ing nuts, but I might think it.

I will not tell another mother to control their child when they are ignoring their kid who is crawling up the walls or throwing things at a restaurant, even though I might throw some dirty looks in that direction or point you out to my husband.

I won’t discipline your children for you when we are at a park and they are being rude to my children, but I will tell my kids to stay away from yours and knowing my daughter she would be just as rude right back.

I will not ask you to keep your screaming children quiet in the middle of Walmart…actually I will probably give you a smile a sympathizing look because I know how that one feels LOL.

There are many things that I won’t do, but judging is not on that list. I am not perfect, never have claimed to be, and I still judge others sometimes, moms especially. However, I know I am not alone in this, every mom probably does, whether she wants to admit to it or not. I think the difference is how you use it. If you use it to be rude and confrontational then you are an asshole. If you use it to make fun of them later (sometimes) then you are kind of like me. If you use it to try and improve your parenting that’s great! So my final judgement is that those judging should not be judged, lest they judge wrongfully…you know what I mean!