Back again so soon?

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Hello again! It’s been a few years huh? I wish I could say the not much has changed but that would be the biggest lie I’ve ever told. Now, do I want to go into everything that has happened over the past twenty some odd months, not really, as I’m sure you really don’t care that much. But I guess I will highlight on a few things just to get all 5 of you, actually 4 if we don’t include my grandma, that might read this up to speed.

Let me start by saying I didn’t win the award since I’ve been away from writing, which is why the title still stands. Unfortunately for my children and I we have learned that not everyone we encounter, even people we let into our lives, are worthy of our trust. I now know that I let someone deceive me, and even some of my family members, into thinking that he was dependable enough to eventually become my husband. And even though I ended it when I did, it sure did not come without a multitude of consequences.

The first one being that we became homeless. My children and myself were forcibly removed from where we were living because the person who I thought was taking care of us was in fact not doing so at all. So the 3 of us were left with nowhere to go and almost nothing but the clothes on our backs. My first instinct was to call my mom, as I’m sure most people would, but that didn’t quite pan out. The next call went to my father, which although it was much harder to do, ended with better results.

In October of 2014 we moved into my dad’s house, partially because we had no where else to go, and because he was having knee replacement surgery and would need my help taking care of himself. Everything was going well, he had the surgery and was recovering quite nicely and I had found myself a job that I was really beginning to like. But there is a reason he is my father and unfortunately I am a lot like him. Around Christmas time we really started to butt heads particularly because he thought that I wasn’t doing enough. Enough of what I will never know. But because of that he said we had to go. So then I made another phone call to my mom and got us a new place to stay for a while.

Right after the new year we moved across town to my mother’s house where she and my younger bother live. Things were really looking up. I was promoted into a new department at work and was absolutely loving it. My oldest was in school and loving it. And my little one still got to spend time with grandpa when grandma (mema) had to work. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until one February day when I went to take her over to Grandpa’s house and noticed that something was not right as soon as I pulled in the driveway.

Now that you definitely want to know what happens next I’m going to make you wait. Trust me, it deserves it’s own post.

 

A Little More About Me

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Since my first few posts have been more on the serious side I thought I would try to do something a little on the lighter side of things today…and I’m already out of ideas too which probably isn’t good at this point. Remember those things you used to fill out as a kid that asked you all kinds of questions and the you would send it to your friends to see what their answers were? Yeah, me neither (ain’t nobody got time fo dat). Well this is going to be the adult version of that.

1. Tens things I love:

  • cleaning out my ears, its almost as good as an orgasm…an eargasm
  • Britney Spears and I am unashamed!
  • having my ass grabbed
  • having road rage, it feels good to unload on someone when they can’t hear you
  • swing dancing
  • shake my ass like a whore dancing
  • Bud Light Lime
  • MAKEUP!!! Sephora knows me way too well
  • sauce, any kind, ranch, blue cheese, soy, terriaki, malt vinegar, arby’s, bbq, italian, just about everything I eat I want covered in sauce
  • And last but not least my family, most of the time anyway

2. Ten things I hate

  • having my ass slapped
  • mixing up my boxes of macaroni, if I am making more than one box they all have to be the same
  • World of Warcraft
  • League of Legends
  • Diablo III
  • slow drivers
  • toast that get too toasted
  • centipedes/millipedes
  • children’s socks, they disappear much faster than adult socks
  • accidentally peeing when I sneeze, or cough, or laugh, or fart, or jump, basically anytime I am not sitting on the toilet

3. My favorite kind of music: Rock n’ Roll, whether it’s metal, emo screamo, punk, or whatever. I love rock!

4. Favorite band/s: Slipknot, Papa Roach, Disturbed, In This Moment, Theory of a Deadman, Korn, Mudvayne

5. Least favorite kind of music: rap, unless they are talking about something besides bitches and hoes, money, or drugs I usually hate it

6. Least favorite bands/artists:Nikki Minaj, Drake, Blue October

7. Favorite position: I have two that are my favorites, but I won’t name names (one of them is doggie)

8. Favorite things to do: absolutely nothing, sleep, Facebook stalk (j/k)

9. Least favorite things to do: clean, dishes, clean, take out trash, clean

10. Favorite TV show: Pretty Little Liars…in fact, it’s less than 30 days until Season 4 premiere so I need to go watch the whole first 3 seasons nonstop while ignoring my children.

To be continued, maybe, if I ever feel like it…

Walking away

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I just recently walked away from a job that even though I had not been there that long, it was my favorite out of any that I have ever had. The company I worked for provided residential and day services for adults with mental retardation and developmental disabilities. I worked the residential side in a home where three wonderful ladies lived. Although the job itself could be very stressful I loved it…and I loved what I was doing for these ladies. There were a few parts that I did not like at all though…

I worked during the week and I had another staff that worked on the weekends in this house. I knew from the beginning that she was a little odd, but hey, so am I sometimes! After returning to the home after she had completed her first several shifts I began to understand why I had that feeling. The girls complained a lot about how she didn’t do things like me and I noticed the the house was kind of a mess, like nothing had been cleaned in my absence. I was nice though and just chalked up to the fact that maybe she just didn’t enough time training with me so I made sure and left her several notes of things that I hadn’t got to tell her.

After a few weeks it only continued to get worse though. And I continued to leave notes every week and it’s like she just threw them in the trash. The girls complained every waking minute about this staff so I would write down what they would say and send it to the office… but they never did anything about it. It wasn’t just about not doing things the way I do them anymore either. She dropped one of the girls that was wheel chair bound many times and she would leave her lying in bed or sitting in her chair in soiled diapers for hours. And she would tell one of the other ladies in a wheel chair that they were fat and if they lost weight they would be able to get around easier so she wouldn’t assist when they needed it.

She also did things to me…she gave me scabies…yes you read that correctly SCABIES. She brought some foam mattress topper to go on top of the mattress in the staff bedroom (yes we sleep there) and the first night after I slept on it in the morning I was incredibly itchy. And yes I did choose to sleep on it but you would too, because that mattress was so bad I could feel every spring in it and it was nice a have, even if just a little, relief from that. So after I had gone to the doctor and been treated for scabies, which I still really hoped was just bed bugs because scabies sounds like an STD, the treatment worked so I threw the mattress topper away and sprayed everything imaginable with disinfectant spray. I went to the office and showed them the “bites” and demanded a new mattress. Besides making me itchy she also would do the grocery shopping and even though I would have menus planned and I whole grocery list made for her she never bought everything I needed. I always ended up having to change my meals around or buy things with my own money.

This went on for weeks and I continued to complain about her and so did the girls but still nothing was done. I have anxiety issues big time and I was already on the max dose of the medication I am taking to control it, but because of this staff Monday afternoons when I got to the home were always AWFUL!!! I would see how much of my grocery list she didn’t buy and I would see the whole house filthy and that she left wet (urine) bedding just lying around their rooms all day so it stank horribly and this would cause me to have panic attacks. Most were relatively mild but there were a few where I called the office yelling, screaming, and crying. She was not treating those girls right and she was not respecting me at all.

I see a therapist for my anxiety every three weeks or so and when I was telling her about what was going on at work and how I was just losing my cool every Monday, she said something that really struck me. She told me that because of the things I had been telling her she may have to report this staff member to Adult Protective Services(APS). The company I work for has a system in place for when things are like this and policy states that I am to notify a supervisor and they are to contact APS. Now I had done that many, many times and they were still doing nothing about it. I begin to think that if my therapist may have to turn this woman in just based on what I am telling her and no supervisors had done it maybe it was time to take matters into my own hands.

I contacted APS and reported her and they told me it was confidential unless it went to trial and I would be notified if she was going to be investigated. Well so much for confidential, someone called the director of the company and told her so she started questioning any of her staff that went to the office. A few days later one of the ladies in my house was having issues and made the courageous decision to seek help and go to a hospital to be evaluated. When she returned to the home she was still very upset  and didn’t want to sleep and of course I love these ladies to death and I didn’t want to see any harm come to them so I was prepared to stay up all night if need be. She said it might help if she could talk to someone else. So I called our after hours emergency number and the director answered and said that she was fine and to make her go to bed and that I needed to clock out.

And that was it, I knew right then and there that I was done. I could not continue to work for a company that treated its clients this way. I can not and will not stand behind a company that treats people, disabled or not, like they have. Later that day I went to the office and told them that I was quitting as of that day and that I was the one that called APS even though I shouldn’t have had to be the one to do it. For the safety of the ladies, I still wanted the other staff gone whether I was there or not and I am still fighting to get her out of there. Hopefully I don’t have to resort to doing something awful like slashing all her tires and putting sugar in her gas tank since her car is a car/house and that would completely immobilize her, without hurting her physically of course, I’m not that horrible LOL.

Not a day goes by though that I don’t think about those girls (I keep saying girls but really they were women way older than me) and worry if I made the wrong choice. Ultimately I made the choice for me though, damn that moral fiber! I am still able to visit with them a little though and I am keeping up on what’s going on with the investigation. This was one of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make in my life but I am lucky because my husband and family stood by me 100%. I’m still getting back into the swing of things as stay at home mom and I will find another job sometime, but it won’t ever be the same. I am so grateful for all the time I got to spend with these amazing individuals and not only for how much I taught them but also for how much they taught me.

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My husband…or not my husband…

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In my first blog post I mentioned that story between and husband and I is complicated to say the least. So here is my explanation. We are technically not married by law, however we have been engaged and living together for almost four years now. But in the state of Kansas where we live we are considered common law married. Let’s start from the beginning…

We met through a mutual friend that I went to school with and that he worked with.Upon first meeting him I though my friend was NUTS! (Don’t worry, he knows this already) I saw nothing I liked, but I still gave him a chance and talked to him for a while that night.

Three or four weeks go by where we haven’t seen each other but we call each other once or twice a day. Finally I have him come over to my to watch a movie and that’s all it ends up being. A week later or so I have him come over again to hang out and I am absolutely exhausted so I am almost asleep on the couch and he notices how dirty my kitchen is and how my dirty dishes are piled up. I am on the couch about to fall asleep when I realize that he is in my kitchen doing all my dishes. He ended up staying so late that I just told him he could stay the night.

In the morning he gets up to go to work and when he is leaving I went to kiss him on the cheek (I mean the man did my dishes, he deserved at least that) but somehow one of us missed and it ended up being our first actual kiss. His reaction was shocked at first but then we gave me a smile that told me he was falling hard…and as it turns out so was I. It took me a while but I finally realized that it didn’t matter what he looked like but that he treated me better than anyone else I had ever dated and that was the best feeling in the world.

Six weeks after we started dating he bought me a ring (yes, I know it was very quick) and we have been together since then. He has been a wonderful father to my son whom isn’t biologically his child and then we had a baby girl together. Of course over the past four years we have had ups and downs, good times and bad but we have stuck it out. I’m honestly not sure if we would have made it through everything we have if we were not made for each other.

So for now we are not legally married but we would definitely like to be. Of course though, being a woman, I change my mind three times a day about how I want to do it! Sometimes I really want to just go to the courthouse and get it done. Other times I want an actual wedding with guests and a gorgeous dress and still there are times when I want to have a honeymoon wedding and just the two of us go somewhere beautiful (by the ocean preferably) and get married that way. One day I will be able to say I am married, period, end of story.

What’s in a name?

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So maybe you are wondering why I named my blog this…and honest answer is I’m not sure, and everything else I could think of seemed to be taken LOL. I am a mother of two wonderful children, a little girl age 2 and a boy age 5. They are my world and I never go too long without thinking about them. I try not to spoil them too much but their closets would tell you otherwise. But am I  the most perfect mom, absolutely not! And here are some reasons why:

1. I yell much more than I would like to, of course some days are better than others but when I find them throwing around all the dvds we own I lose my cool a little, ya know!

2. I don’t always cook well-rounded meals. Now I’m sure every mom is guilty of this every now and then but I feel like I do it way to often. My most recent solution for this problem was to make a menu for every meal and snack and since I made it four days ago we have not followed it a bit. I did only buy the things I had on the menu so that’s a start, but it really sucks when I am craving something bad for me and I only got healthy crap LOL.

3. I let my kids watch too much tv. They are addicted to Netflix and they turn it on before they even wake me up in the mornings. I try to turn it off at least once a day and get them involved in doing something else but most of the time they are watching tv. They do make some good choices though and my 2 year knows how to count to 15 and say her ABCs and name almost all shapes and colors (thank you Leapfrog) but I sure wish it would help me with potty training!

4. I am not a super cleaner mom. I do not like to clean and I am horrible about waiting until things are so bad I can’t stand them so I give in and clean. Sometimes though I do get into cleaning “moods” and I just go at it and do everything I can until my back is killing me or I realize and I haven’t eaten in 10 hours and that’s why I feel like passing out. I am halfway OCD though. If and when I clean, I never do a half-ass job, I always make it sparkle. Of course the exception is laundry…for some reason I am always on top of that one.

5. Sometimes I feel like I am not super involved in my children’s everyday lives. Now let me explain…my oldest is just in PreK so there is not too much to be involved in there. I’m talking more at home. I don’t have them in tons of activities or have play dates for them all the time or take them to the park or somewhere where they can play often. Part of this feeling may just be because they are younger and they aren’t quite at the stage to being so involved, but when I see my friends putting their 3 and 4 year olds in karate and modeling and basketball or whatever else it makes me feel like I should be doing more. Part of the reason I am not also has a lot to do with money. Everything is so expensive these days and some months we are just lucky to get our rent paid. I dream of doing all kinds of things with them but until we can get in a better place financially those dreams will remain just so. So in the meantime we stick with doing stuff on our apartment lawn and they haven’t complained yet so I guess I’m ok for now.

Why start a blog?

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Why do I want to start a blog? Well, why not! Writing is a way a expressing myself that I have not used in a while and I think it would be nice to do it again. And I have a lot on my mind (especially because I am a woman) that I could talk about for days but no one would probably want to listen…or maybe they do. So that is why I want to blog. To get all these strange questions and witty comments and nonsense out of my head. And by doing it that way people can choose whether or not they want to read it. So I guess I should start by saying a few things about myself. I am 26 (almost 27), a mother of two, a wife (sort of…that may take a whole other post to explain that one) and at this moment I am unemployed. For now I think that’s enough that way I am not turning you off by going on and on forever about shit you don’t care about. Oh, and just so I don’t get into any trouble this blog will NOT be pc at all and I kind of have a potty mouth (okay, make that big time), but I will always try to be as grammatically correct as possible.