Is it impossible to make someone care?

Photo courtesy of http://www.alcoholic.org

Even though I know she may very well read this along with many other family members this is something I have to get off my chest. And she knows I feel this way but she always treats it like a joke. It is not a joke to me, it makes me sad and angry and to be perfectly honest disappointed.

When I discovered I was pregnant with my first I was single and living with my mom. When I told her she swore…a lot…and then reminded me that if I kept the child that it was mine and she was not raising her grandchild for me. Well, actually she wanted me to give it up for adoption first but I absolutely refused. Eventually she came around, especially after the baby shower and getting his room ready she was excited.

My son and I lived with my mom for almost a year when I had a steady job and I was ready to have our own space. But there were definitely a few instances which influenced my decision to get out as soon as possible. My mother was on her way home from her 3rd or so vacation that year and I needed someone to watch my son so I could go to a job interview. I just needed my mom to watch him for an hour and a half at the most and I knew she had been drinking her whole vacation, which isn’t different from any other day, so I asked her if she could refrain from drinking while I had my interview. Her response was “probably not” or something along those lines indicating that she would not be sober while watching my child.

After the interview I attempted to have a conversation with my mother about her alcoholism. Of course it didn’t end well and it just made me want to move out as soon as I possibly could. She just denies it. She thinks that it is okay to get drunk every night because she still has a job and pays her bills. What she failed to understand was that is was hurting her children and it most certainly meant that she would see her grandson much less because his mother did not want him to see her that way.

So now, almost five years later, she still continues to drink every night. And she sees her grandkids about twice a year, not including holidays. I have to ask her to watch them a month in advance and even then I still get the “well, I only get to see R (her boyfriend) on weekends”. Really…? She can’t give up one day every other month or so to see her grandchildren? I just don’t understand why or how he is that much more important than them. I mean, not once have I ever had her “raise” either of my children. I have done it mostly all by myself since day one. Even when I did live with her I rarely asked for help, not that I wasn’t very grateful when she did help, because she did sometimes and she still does on occassion. But I almost wish that I could make her care more than anything. I would give up everything else just to have her wanting to spend time with them. Randomly calling me and asking how they are or calling just because she want to hear their voices. Telling me she needs them to come over because she misses them, which she do sometimes, but I would like to hear it more than once or twice a year. What makes everyone else so much more important to her than her grandchildren, her own flesh and blood? Maybe I shold rephrase that…Why is drinking more important than anything or anyone? When will she realize it is a problem? I’ve tried so many times and it hurts more and more every time she ignores the truth, I just don’t know how many more tries I have left in me before I give up completely.