She is a big girl now!
I can finally say now with 98% certainty that my baby is fully potty-trained!!! And I say only 98% because I still expect a few night time accidents but we have only had one in the past week so I think she is doing great. I will still keep some pull-ups for emergencies but she hasn’t had one on in almost a month. Now I am wondering how long it will be before she realizes she does not need to change her big girl panties 6 times a day… LOL
I don’t often feel guilt, not because I’m always perfect but it’s just something I try to not feel because it’s kind of like eating oreos, you can never eat just one. I feel that if you let yourself feel guilty for something for too long you will be stuck with it. And it will weigh on you until you cannot handle it anymore. With holding on to the guilt also comes blame, anger, and many other emotions that are not conducive to living a happy life. So I don’t like to feel guilty mainly because I know how quickly it could be me down.
There is one instance though that I can never stop the guilt. I don’t ever dwell on it, except for now, but every time I am put in that situation I want to hide like I’m trying to hide from a serial killer in my home. My flight or fight instinct in these situations is to get the f#@k away as quickly as possible. These situations never last too long but it is more than enough time to think about every possible escape route I have and have a panic attack at an 8 on the “crazy person” scale of 1 to 10.
I’m sure I would be in a lot of trouble if I lived in a city too much bigger than my own because these detestable situations would increase tenfold. I guess I should come out and say it now for those of you who haven’t figured out what I am going on about. I can’t handle pulling up to an intersection where a homeless person is standing asking for money or food or whatever. It’s not that they disgust me, it’s that I’m disgusted in myself for never helping.
Today this happened and I had just been to pay our water bill and was going to pay another bill and that’s all the money I had. And when I saw this person standing there holding his cardboard sign I wanted to help so bad but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it without cutting my own throat. I couldn’t do it because I had to pay that water bill or our water was going to be shut off. I can’t subject my kids to that, but there I was subjecting this homeless man to the thing I could never let my child go through. I know I will never be able to help everyone, but I may never stop feeling guilty for every time I can’t.
Today I am going to start off with a story. A few months ago I was grocery shopping with my daughter at Wal-Mart (I know, so magical already, but it gets better!) and while we were checking out she kept trying to play with the credit card machine. I removed her hands from it and told her no twice and then the third time I moved the cart away from the machine so that she could not reach it. For some reason the cashier thought my idea was genius. She said “I’ve never seen any parent do that”. So I’m thinking as I am walking out to my car “Was she serious, does no one else do anything about their misbehaving children…?”
Sometimes I wonder if I really am a mean mom…I use traditional discipline, I do not take back talk, I don’t reward bad behavior, things like that. There are just many things that I don’t do or do differently than other moms and sometimes it makes that horrible little question pop up in the back of my mind: Am I a mean mom?
I’m going to use the S word so if anyone is not okay with that you should look away now. SPANK. That’s right, you read it, I spank my children. If they are misbehaving (especially at home) I will spank their little bottoms and then they will have a time out. It doesn’t always correct the problem right away but I always talk to them too. I want them to understand what they were doing wrong and why they just got swatted. I don’t count to 3 and then do nothing about it like some parents, if they are in trouble they know what is coming next.
Most of the time my kids are pretty well-behaved in public, but there are times when they aren’t. And I am not one of those moms who will just ask them to be quiet. If they begin acting “a fool” in public I will yank them out to the car and give them and swat that they deserve. I will not put up with it and they both know I won’t so I haven’t had any issues in quite a while.
I never rocked my children to sleep and I do not let them sleep in bed with me. I know, I am awful! When I had my son he slept with me one night and the next morning I decided he was going in his own crib in his own bedroom. I have friends that still sleep with the baby right next to them or in the bed with them or rocked their child to sleep every night and I just don’t get. Why start a something you know you are eventually going to want to change when you know the change will be painful for all? How long are you going to have to rock them to sleep, until they are 12? When are you going to ever be able to have sex again without a child in the room? I guess I just don’t get and I have never really had the luxury of being able to stay at home all the time and take naps with the kids. I had to go to work and/or school with every kid so I needed my sleep at night. Maybe I’m just stingy.
I don’t let my kids play video games. To clarify, my son does have a Vetech Mobigo which does have video game-like cartridges, but they are all educational. He does not have his own x-box that he plays Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto all the time. I don’t let him use the Wii U unless it’s a game specifically for kids.
I did not let my children have pop when they were younger. My son didn’t have any until about 3 and my daughter was about 2 (and that’s only because her father drinks a tons and leaves half full cups of Mt. Dew everywhere). I do let them have it now but it is usually not more than once a week. There are exceptions of course, like this week, but even so they never have anything with caffeine, unless it’s my husband’s 3-day old pop…eww.
I am not a short order cook. If I make spaghetti for dinner and they choose not to eat it then they go to bed hungry. I’m just so cruel!
So I might be stern and even though I might think I am sometimes, I truly don’t think I am a terribly mean mother. My children are well-behaved (most of the time) individuals who are independent and extremely bright. And I want them to stay that way. To me, my job as a parent is to help mold my children into adults who can succeed at whatever they choose and this is how I choose to go about it.
As much as I hate to admit it, that is me sometimes. I don’t ever verbalize my judgement, even when I really want to, and I don’t ever tell another mother they are doing something the wrong way, but I do judge in my head.
I would never tell another mother that I think the way they choose to raise their child is f#$%ing nuts, but I might think it.
I will not tell another mother to control their child when they are ignoring their kid who is crawling up the walls or throwing things at a restaurant, even though I might throw some dirty looks in that direction or point you out to my husband.
I won’t discipline your children for you when we are at a park and they are being rude to my children, but I will tell my kids to stay away from yours and knowing my daughter she would be just as rude right back.
I will not ask you to keep your screaming children quiet in the middle of Walmart…actually I will probably give you a smile a sympathizing look because I know how that one feels LOL.
There are many things that I won’t do, but judging is not on that list. I am not perfect, never have claimed to be, and I still judge others sometimes, moms especially. However, I know I am not alone in this, every mom probably does, whether she wants to admit to it or not. I think the difference is how you use it. If you use it to be rude and confrontational then you are an asshole. If you use it to make fun of them later (sometimes) then you are kind of like me. If you use it to try and improve your parenting that’s great! So my final judgement is that those judging should not be judged, lest they judge wrongfully…you know what I mean!
mom of the year goes to... 