Daddy’s little girl

When I was about eight or so my parents for divorced and it tore me apart. The next few years were a little rough because dad didn’t  really have a permanent home yet and he got moved to second shift at his job so split custody was hard. Finally my dad was able to buy a house in the same town that we had all lived in as a family so there was no school change and I was even able to walk from each parent’s home to the other because they were so close.

I’m pretty sure my dad always thought of me as his little princess so he always gave me just about everything I asked for, but he was also very harsh at times and would be very quick to raise his voice and be very critical. In my teen years I resented him a little and quit trying to do things that I knew he would or could scream at me for. I became very involved in my church youth group, thank goodness is wasn’t something awful like drugs, and he seemed to be okay with me doing whatever as long as it was with my church buddies. For many years I was also very involved in a mime team with other church youth…maybe I will share those pictures someday LOL.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, after one year of college and a few more years at home (living with my mom), I was terrified to tell my dad. It’s almost like I was so afraid he would beat me and I would lose the baby. So in June of 2007 I was already 5-6 months pregnant, not really showing though, when I decided I had to tell him one way or the other. He was taking me out for dinner for my 21st birthday and I tried to say it the whole time but it wouldn’t come out. When I was driving him back to his house and we were about 3 blocks away I finally said it.

His reaction though still gets me to this day. He didn’t yell, he didn’t swear, he didn’t call me names, he simply said “Ok, so what are you going to do about it?” I told him that mom wanted me to consider adoption but I knew I couldn’t do that. I was too attached already and I was 21, a full-blown adult, and I should take responsibility for my actions. He was happy! Well, not happy the I was pregnant and unmarried, but happy that I was making the right choice. I think that is when our relationship started to change.

Since having my son he has been there for everything. He was so excited to be able to take his grandson fishing. When my son and I would go to church with him my dad would walk around beaming because he was such a proud grandpa. But within the last year or two my father’s health began to decline. He acts like he is fine but I know it kills him to have to ask me to take him grocery shopping because it hurts too much for him to walk.

This past friday he called me and told me something was wrong and when he described the severity of it I got scared. I told him he had to go to the Emergency Room. He said he would call me back to let me know, but after two hours my anxiety was getting to me so I went ahead and drive over to his house. It took a little while but I finally managed to get him to quit stalling and to let me drive so we could go. There was quite a wait when we got there, and there usually hasn’t been any time I have gone. Long story short they blamed it on a med that he had missed for a few days due to his pharmacy’s mix-up so they gave him a huge dose and sent him home.

I am not a doctor but I am a registered medical assistant so I have some experience and I truly think what they did was just to put a temporary patch on a problem that needs to be solved throughly and soon. I cannot and will not lose my father because he is not considered high priority. I refuse to let him continue to see a doctor that doesn’t check his feet and legs at every appointment. He is a diabetic, you must take these things into account! And he says his doctor refuses to refer him to a diabetes specialist or an Endocrinologist! I’m sure part of it is that my father is not always the best advocate for himself, but itf he is not going to do it I will. Mama bear is not happy and she is going to get things done, even if he has to find a new primary care provider after it’s all said and done.